This sermon was given by ASU Hillel Executive Director Debbie Yunker Kail.
Last week Mark Zuckerberg announced a new development coming to Facebook – he said that they are “building a way for people ‘to express that they understand and that they relate to you” when you share something sad, such as news of a natural disaster or a death in the family.”
It sounds like this new development will be a helpful way for us to show virtual support for our friends. I know I’ve been at a loss at how to respond on Facebook to friends who post about tough things that don’t really merit a “like” even when I want to show I’ve read it and support them.
So, I can see myself using this new virtual option a lot, and I am sure others will too.
But too often we are still challenged to seek or give support in the real world, face to face.
And so, I’m a little worried. I’m worried about how trendy it is to perfect our outer selves, lifting weights with friends for 2 hours or trying out a new Zumba class, when it doesn’t seem to be socially acceptable to share our inner feelings at even close to the same rate.
In fact, I’d say I have conversations almost daily about healthy eating or working out, some initiated by me and some initiated by others. These conversations are usually in public spaces and are often amongst a group. I’m glad when I hear people talking about physical health in ways that motivate others to get healthy. I even started a new way of eating after talking with a student this summer about her new plan!
The thing is, I can count on one hand the amount of times I have heard mental health discussed in the same public forums or with the same frequency.
To be clear, when I say mental health I am referring to anything related to our psychological and emotional well-being, from having a bad day to receiving a clinical diagnosis. And, I understand that sharing our stress or sadness isn’t always natural in a group setting.
But, I’m still worried that we aren’t asking for help enough. I’m worried that saying we are sad or stressed or seeking professional help is so socially taboo that we keep it all pent up inside.
I’m worried that so many people are hurting on the inside and there isn’t a way to talk about it. I see it in Facebook posts and blog posts. I hear about it when I’m meeting one on one with a student behind the closed door of my office or when we’re out for coffee. These private moments are the ones where thoughts about stress, feeling overwhelmed, or finding ways to seek help come up much more regularly.
And maybe there’s something natural about sharing these more private emotions in a more private setting. It can make us feel so vulnerable and so it makes sense we’d be more likely to share with close confidants.
I just can’t help but wonder how much more connected and supported we might feel if it became more socially normative to talk about how we were working to better ourselves.
And so, I’m particularly struck by our prayers over Yom Kippur when we do just this – we come together in a public and communal setting, with many people we don’t know at all, and we confess and pray for a better year. We pray and reflect so that we can become better versions of ourselves.
When we recite the Ashamnu prayer throughout the holiday, not only do we recite our sins out loud, which provides a “safely in numbers” effect, but we state each one in the plural.
We have trespassed. We have dealt treacherously. We have robbed. We have spoken slander.
With every statement, the language pushes us to take communal responsibility for all of our collective wrongdoings over the past year.
As we go through the lists of transgressions in the Ashamnu and Al Chet prayers, I feel protected by this group recitation – I don’t have to single myself out - and, I feel gratified that I can offer the same protection to others.
Pause and think about the power in this annual ritual.
I don’t have to say my personal sins out loud alone, in a way that would single me out. And yet, I do say my sins aloud, which makes them real. We all say all of them, knowing that some of them have more personal application than others.
If we had a way in our day to day lives to claim our challenges and hopes for the future, how much more supported might we feel? Too often, not sharing our real thoughts and feelings can lead to further isolation even as many of us engage in our same social interactions. Our friends may not even know if we are having a bad day or a tough month.
Right on the ASU Counseling Center website, it says, “Stigmas and stereotypes often prevent people from getting the help they need, even from reaching out to a friend.”
Did you know that you can walk into the Counseling Center any time, 8-5 and they have a 24 hour line??
Even at a center that is open for walk ins or call ins 24 hours/day, they acknowledge how hard it is to seek support.
And yet at the largest public university in the country, where it’s just as easy to remain anonymous as it is to become a leader, we really need to find ways to destigmatize mental health and more generally foster supportive and open communities. My friend Aaron Krasnow, the Director of ASU Counseling Services recently told me that “Healthy communities are those where the needs of individuals and the group(s) are not mutually exclusive.”
There are many, many other ways to get personal support and to be a part of building a supportive community at ASU – and all of them will naturally strengthen the fabric of the ASU community, and therein strengthen your own personal network.
There’s research to back up the idea that feeling more connected to other people makes us happier and less stressed. I found one Harvard study that showed that personal happiness was more related to feeling connected to a community than it was to income or education levels.
A PBS site for the show This Emotional Life gave more detail, noting that “when we feel safe and supported, we don’t have to narrow in on survival tasks like responding to danger or finding our next meal. We are able to explore our world, which builds resources for times of stress and adversity.”
So, there are real reasons we need community, and that’s something Judaism and Hillel can offer.
I mentioned last week in my sermon that Hillel is here for all students, any time. We mean it!
Everything at Hillel is focused around building connectedness. You will rarely see student leaders at a planning meeting agonizing over the best decorations or event theme. Their conversations consistently revolve around the interpersonal experiences we are creating when people walk in the door, or when they encounter Hillel on campus. Our staff and student leaders are constantly having coffee meetings with anyone who’s interested, just to get to know them better. And, our different internships and fellowships form smaller close knit groups within the broader Hillel community.
In addition to all of this, Hillel’s building at 10th and Mill is open all day as a community center – students just swing by to grab some bagels or whatever other free food we are offering, and end up making new connections almost every time.
Before this shameless plug goes on too long, I’ll take a step back and just state it plain and simple.
Hillel is here for the high holidays – and we are here for so much more. If you are looking for a place to connect with people like you, Hillel is a diverse community that likely has something for you or the means to create it if you don’t find it.
When we feel like we can’t share our true feelings, we can start to feel disconnected from our friends, family, and community.
And so I’ll pose the question - Why do we come together on Yom Kippur? Why isn’t apologizing to friends and loved ones enough? Why do we publicly face our transgressions together? And, why is it the High Holidays, and not say – Purim and Simchat Torah, where alcohol is flowing – that really bring us together? Something about this time of year and the holiday’s themes draws us together, no matter where we’ve been the rest of the year.
It is my hope that the connectedness that Hillel fosters today will continue beyond the walls of this room, and go a long way to create a supportive place for ASU students. A place for new friendships to form and a place where you can be real, no matter what type of a day you’re having.
G’mar Chatimah Tovah.
May we all be inscribed for a blessing in the Book of Life!
Last week Mark Zuckerberg announced a new development coming to Facebook – he said that they are “building a way for people ‘to express that they understand and that they relate to you” when you share something sad, such as news of a natural disaster or a death in the family.”
It sounds like this new development will be a helpful way for us to show virtual support for our friends. I know I’ve been at a loss at how to respond on Facebook to friends who post about tough things that don’t really merit a “like” even when I want to show I’ve read it and support them.
So, I can see myself using this new virtual option a lot, and I am sure others will too.
But too often we are still challenged to seek or give support in the real world, face to face.
And so, I’m a little worried. I’m worried about how trendy it is to perfect our outer selves, lifting weights with friends for 2 hours or trying out a new Zumba class, when it doesn’t seem to be socially acceptable to share our inner feelings at even close to the same rate.
In fact, I’d say I have conversations almost daily about healthy eating or working out, some initiated by me and some initiated by others. These conversations are usually in public spaces and are often amongst a group. I’m glad when I hear people talking about physical health in ways that motivate others to get healthy. I even started a new way of eating after talking with a student this summer about her new plan!
The thing is, I can count on one hand the amount of times I have heard mental health discussed in the same public forums or with the same frequency.
To be clear, when I say mental health I am referring to anything related to our psychological and emotional well-being, from having a bad day to receiving a clinical diagnosis. And, I understand that sharing our stress or sadness isn’t always natural in a group setting.
But, I’m still worried that we aren’t asking for help enough. I’m worried that saying we are sad or stressed or seeking professional help is so socially taboo that we keep it all pent up inside.
I’m worried that so many people are hurting on the inside and there isn’t a way to talk about it. I see it in Facebook posts and blog posts. I hear about it when I’m meeting one on one with a student behind the closed door of my office or when we’re out for coffee. These private moments are the ones where thoughts about stress, feeling overwhelmed, or finding ways to seek help come up much more regularly.
And maybe there’s something natural about sharing these more private emotions in a more private setting. It can make us feel so vulnerable and so it makes sense we’d be more likely to share with close confidants.
I just can’t help but wonder how much more connected and supported we might feel if it became more socially normative to talk about how we were working to better ourselves.
And so, I’m particularly struck by our prayers over Yom Kippur when we do just this – we come together in a public and communal setting, with many people we don’t know at all, and we confess and pray for a better year. We pray and reflect so that we can become better versions of ourselves.
When we recite the Ashamnu prayer throughout the holiday, not only do we recite our sins out loud, which provides a “safely in numbers” effect, but we state each one in the plural.
We have trespassed. We have dealt treacherously. We have robbed. We have spoken slander.
With every statement, the language pushes us to take communal responsibility for all of our collective wrongdoings over the past year.
As we go through the lists of transgressions in the Ashamnu and Al Chet prayers, I feel protected by this group recitation – I don’t have to single myself out - and, I feel gratified that I can offer the same protection to others.
Pause and think about the power in this annual ritual.
I don’t have to say my personal sins out loud alone, in a way that would single me out. And yet, I do say my sins aloud, which makes them real. We all say all of them, knowing that some of them have more personal application than others.
If we had a way in our day to day lives to claim our challenges and hopes for the future, how much more supported might we feel? Too often, not sharing our real thoughts and feelings can lead to further isolation even as many of us engage in our same social interactions. Our friends may not even know if we are having a bad day or a tough month.
Right on the ASU Counseling Center website, it says, “Stigmas and stereotypes often prevent people from getting the help they need, even from reaching out to a friend.”
Did you know that you can walk into the Counseling Center any time, 8-5 and they have a 24 hour line??
Even at a center that is open for walk ins or call ins 24 hours/day, they acknowledge how hard it is to seek support.
And yet at the largest public university in the country, where it’s just as easy to remain anonymous as it is to become a leader, we really need to find ways to destigmatize mental health and more generally foster supportive and open communities. My friend Aaron Krasnow, the Director of ASU Counseling Services recently told me that “Healthy communities are those where the needs of individuals and the group(s) are not mutually exclusive.”
There are many, many other ways to get personal support and to be a part of building a supportive community at ASU – and all of them will naturally strengthen the fabric of the ASU community, and therein strengthen your own personal network.
There’s research to back up the idea that feeling more connected to other people makes us happier and less stressed. I found one Harvard study that showed that personal happiness was more related to feeling connected to a community than it was to income or education levels.
A PBS site for the show This Emotional Life gave more detail, noting that “when we feel safe and supported, we don’t have to narrow in on survival tasks like responding to danger or finding our next meal. We are able to explore our world, which builds resources for times of stress and adversity.”
So, there are real reasons we need community, and that’s something Judaism and Hillel can offer.
I mentioned last week in my sermon that Hillel is here for all students, any time. We mean it!
Everything at Hillel is focused around building connectedness. You will rarely see student leaders at a planning meeting agonizing over the best decorations or event theme. Their conversations consistently revolve around the interpersonal experiences we are creating when people walk in the door, or when they encounter Hillel on campus. Our staff and student leaders are constantly having coffee meetings with anyone who’s interested, just to get to know them better. And, our different internships and fellowships form smaller close knit groups within the broader Hillel community.
In addition to all of this, Hillel’s building at 10th and Mill is open all day as a community center – students just swing by to grab some bagels or whatever other free food we are offering, and end up making new connections almost every time.
Before this shameless plug goes on too long, I’ll take a step back and just state it plain and simple.
Hillel is here for the high holidays – and we are here for so much more. If you are looking for a place to connect with people like you, Hillel is a diverse community that likely has something for you or the means to create it if you don’t find it.
When we feel like we can’t share our true feelings, we can start to feel disconnected from our friends, family, and community.
And so I’ll pose the question - Why do we come together on Yom Kippur? Why isn’t apologizing to friends and loved ones enough? Why do we publicly face our transgressions together? And, why is it the High Holidays, and not say – Purim and Simchat Torah, where alcohol is flowing – that really bring us together? Something about this time of year and the holiday’s themes draws us together, no matter where we’ve been the rest of the year.
It is my hope that the connectedness that Hillel fosters today will continue beyond the walls of this room, and go a long way to create a supportive place for ASU students. A place for new friendships to form and a place where you can be real, no matter what type of a day you’re having.
G’mar Chatimah Tovah.
May we all be inscribed for a blessing in the Book of Life!
